Should I?

 Over the last months, my feelings were made of a new substance

I hated and loved you with the same intensity

I wanted you and at the same time I didn't want to 

Over the last months, you were a big question in my mind

And I'd love to say I have an answer now, but I don't

I discovered that's possible to live

even to have joy and feel happy

when you feel that something really important is missing

I don't know who you are anymore

I don't know your thoughts

I don't remember so well many details of us

But I do remember the color of your eyes

And the way you smiled at me

I remember you have a mole on your nape

and I remember the texture of your hands on mine

Honestly, I feel so dumb

Having so much of you in me yet. 

And I feel so sad

Losing so many memories.

Should I hold on that or should I just let go?

As the time goes by, I'm getting used to this emptiness

and fearing what it means.

I fear having hope and fear not having.

I fear missing you so deeply and fear not missing.

I am so afraid of us. Are we something that is never gonna work?

Or are we just a good match that found each other at the wrong time and who made wrong choices?

Would you change anything if you could?

Or Am I the only one thinking about this?

Are you going to be just a memory for my entire life or will we have another opportunity to make it right?

I miss you so much, lindo. So much. 

And I don't even know exactly what I miss.

But I don't wanna be in the same place again. I don't wanna feel as a person not valued anymore.

I don't wanna be so dependent of you. I don't wanna feel so disposable.

Should I tell you all that? Or should I just kept all to myself and swallow together with my feelings?

We were not perfect together, there were so many things to be better

but we were not that bad, you know? We had so many good moments. 

I just don't know if they are enough.